“Nobody can save you but yourself, and you’re worth saving. It’s a war not easily won, but if anything is worth winning then this is it.” Charles Bukowski
Success does not represent you are happy. A smiling face hides more tears than a crying one. You might be frustrated because of your job, or probably marks in exam or getting admission to a particular college. Everyone feels sad when they can’t get what they dream. Sometimes, you spend your life chasing them, but when you get there, you don’t get the happiness you thought you will. You can have all the success in the world, but that does not represent your mental health.
“Behind my smile is a breaking heart. Behind my laugh, I am falling apart. Behind my eyes are tears at night. Behind my body is a soul trying to fight.” – Virgiana Vaquera.
Something similar happened with Michael Phelps. Phelps is an American former competitive swimmer. He is the most successful and most decorated Olympian of all time, with a total of 28 medals. He battled against anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts, for over a decade. Phelps opened up about in 2016. He believed that it wasn’t easy to admit that he wasn’t perfect. But opening up took a huge weight off his back. It made life easier.
The Gold Medalist said, “I’ve gone through multiple stages of depression, and I deal with anxiety all the time. There are lots of people struggling with the exact same things”
His major depression phase started around 2004. Then, he started using drugs to avoid suicidal thoughts. In 2014, it got so bad that he locked himself in his bedroom and stayed there for days. He himself described his full experience in an interview at a mental health conference of the Kennedy Forum in Chicago.
Phelps said, “You do contemplate suicide.” He continued, “Really, after every Olympics I think I fell into a major state of depression. I noticed a pattern of emotion that just wasn’t right at a certain time during every year, around the beginning of October or November. I would say 2004 was probably the first depression spell I went through…. Drugs were a way of running from whatever it was I wanted to run from. It would be just me self-medicating myself, basically daily, to try to fix whatever it was that I was trying to run from. The hardest fall was after the 2012 Olympics. I didn’t want to be in the sport anymore … I didn’t want to be alive anymore.”
Phelps admitted he was not ready for the treatment. As an athlete, he learned that they are supposed to be the “big macho people” that don’t have any problems, and they are not supposed to show weakness, but that’s so wrong.
He said, “I remember going to treatment my very first day, I was shaking, shaking because I was nervous about the change that was coming up. I needed to figure out what was going on.”
But his life became easy after the treatment. He thought of why he was not getting relief earlier.
The swimmer mentioned, “I was very good at compartmentalizing things and stuffing things away that I didn’t want to talk about, I didn’t want to deal with, I didn’t want to bring up — I just never ever wanted to see those things.”
But, these things do not go away in a flash. He fought daily with these thoughts and put every effort to overcome it.
He wrote in an article, “The thing is people who live with mental health issues all know this – it never goes away. You have good days and bad. But there’s never a finish line. I’ve done so many interviews after Rio where the story was the same: Michael Phelps opened up about depression, went into a treatment program, won gold in his last Olympics, and now is all better. I wish that were the truth. I wish it were that easy. But honestly and I mean this in the nicest way possible that’s just ignorant. Somebody who doesn’t understand what people with anxiety or depression or post-traumatic stress disorder deal with has no idea. And really, to be blunt, the media is part of that. They dragged me through the dirt for everything I did wrong over the years — and trust me, I know there was plenty. I’m responsible for every mistake I’ve ever made. Nobody else. I’ve gotten help and I ended my career on a high note, so the nice neat story is to put me back on a pedestal. But here’s the reality: I won’t ever be cured. This will never go away. It’s something where I’ve had to accept it, learn to deal with it, and make it a priority in my life. And yes, that’s a hell of a lot easier said than done.”
Today, he is working on the field of mental health issues. He has implemented stress management into programs offered by the Michael Phelps Foundation and works with the Boys & Girls Clubs of America. Many times he mentioned that he wants the people to know they’re not alone. So many are fighting with their mental health demons now more than ever.
Phelps said, “Toady, I understand that it’s OK to not be OK and that mental illness has a stigma around it and that’s something we still deal with every day. I think people actually finally understand it is real. People are talking about it and I think this is the only way that it can change. The reason why suicide rates are going up is that people are afraid to talk and open up.” At last, he said, “I am extremely thankful that I did not take my life.”
His story teaches us a great deal of life. So, ask for help when you need it. There is no determinant of good mental health. Accept it, fight it, survive it. It’s the best way to move forward. Remember,
“You look happy, but you don’t feel happy. That’s what depression does to you.”
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