This is the story of an innovative media project, a couple of positive psychology activists, and an episode for YouTube called 6 Regrets of My 20s that my new business partner challenged me to make.
Welcoming a New Activist for Positive Psychology
Daniel Mouyal entered into a partnership with the personal development YouTube channel Alejandro Verse on October 15, 2020.
He says, “we’re actually entering the golden age for free thinkers.” Mouyal says he believes in the brand vision and wants to offer Alejandro Verse the perspective of somebody very familiar with successful self-improvement channels on YouTube such as Aaron Doughty and Infinite Waters.
“we’re actually entering the golden age for free thinkers.”
One of the first suggestions Mouyal made was that I create an episode called “Top Regrets of my 20s.” I accepted this challenge with masochistic relish after hearing about this awesome psychology study from 1998.
I had no idea what I was getting myself into.
He Challenged Me to Dox Myself | Alejandro Verse YT Channel
Doxing is the internet-culture practice of making somebody’s private life public
Doxing can include publicizing questionable behaviour. This is something I have plenty of in my history. I decided to rise to the challenge.
On September 25th, 5 days before my 25th birthday, I recorded a video compiling 6 sincere regrets of my 20s– some of them are supremely embarrassing. I see this challenge as a way to purge myself of my own shame while encouraging others to do the same.
The Psychology Behind Self-Doxing
The study essentially says you can get yourself out of any emotional feedback loop by talking or writing about important events. It might be the world’s simplest treatment, but it is also one of the most effective.
It’s great when science comes up with unscientific-seeming treatments. The same study found that not talking about strong emotional events produces powerful, negative changes in your mind, but what is often less clear is that these changes are reversible.
“Translating (a strong emotional event) into language makes it something your mind can handle.” – Oxford Handbook of Positive Psychology
Here’s the practical takeaway: “constructing stories through writing or talking, these dynamics can be reversed.”
This finding was the conclusion of an experiment at the end of which 98% of participants who wrote down traumatic experiences for the first time said they would participate in the experiment again if given the choice.
Top Regrets of My 20s
- Punching my brother in the face
- First time tripping
- Being cocky
- Disrespecting a girl I liked
- Wasting my time
- Not interning well during college
Like most people who ask themselves hard personal questions, I was faced with a formidable challenge.
The first obstacle I had to overcome to create this video faithfully was to climb over the deeply rooted patterns I’ve built for myself over the years. Deflecting. Lecturing. Defensiveness.
These patterns are not just unnecessary to the process of opening your shame to the world so it can scar properly. They are actively hostile. They are dangerous bacteria that can cause infection to the wound if you are not careful.
The first version of this video actually sounded a lot more like me giving unwanted advice than me admitting genuinely painful things in front of the camera.
Naming my “sins” out loud did make me feel closer to overcoming them. I would recommend practising some form of this. It will still work even if it is totally in private. The only reason I do it on camera is that it is my job to share positive psychology and inspire others.
Conclusion | Subscribe to Alejandro Verse on YouTube
Cracking open these traumas is painful, but it is one of the surest paths toward becoming a better human being.
There is no reason not to break open these traumas and look at them clearly and boldly accept the pain that comes from fear and shame. Like any exercise, journaling is not immediately easy or comfortable, but it is an exercise that will make you strong enough to lift yourself out of the negative patterns that keep you down.
Admitting your sins out loud even feels like a breakthrough– like you are literally breaking through something. It is the reason confession booths have been around as long as they have. I challenge you to think about your own regrets and to write them down. What are the old patterns you’d like to change?
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