Raising Empathetic Children

I remember being in 6th class, when our classes were shuffled. I remember there was a boy in my class who had feminine touch in him, he would wear lip gloss, talked with excessive hand gestures and how all of us used to make fun of him ! All my classmates used to tease him continuously by calling him names and didn’t leave a single opportunity to not laugh at him. I remember this particular day very vividly, when I saw him in playground all alone crying his heart out. I approached towards him and asked him what was bothering him so much? It then he told me how he hated coming to school, how he had started hating himself as a person because of us! Because we made so much fun of him and laughed at him for being different, for not complying to the societal norms of what a boy should be like. I was taken aback by this, my intention wasn’t that and that day I realised how inconsiderate I had been, that I had never really thought about his feelings, his emotions and his thoughts. From that day on, I made it a point to support him and be more considerate regarding other people’s emotions and perspectives. Later, when I was in class 11th, I realised that it was known as being empathetic. 

Empathy is basically the ability of a person to put themselves in someone else’s shoes; to recognise and understand other person’s feelings, emotions, thought processes and their perspective. It helps a person to understand someone’s point of view. 

Empathy is very crucial in interpersonal relationships. It helps a person understand others and encourages them to forgive others. Empathy makes a person compassionate and kind. It helps us to cooperate with others, fosters friendship and helps us make moral decisions more effectively. 

It has been shown through countless researches that empathy as a skill can be learnt and inculcated in our behavior. Children as young as 18 months are able to decipher people’s emotions through facial expressions. We can make our children empathetic and here in this article I am providing you with certain tips that will help you to raise empathetic children. 

Teaching children empathy–  Parents, caregivers and teachers can teach children empathy by: 

• Asking children what the characters in their storybooks, movies and TV shows are feeling based on their facial expressions and the type of situation they are in. This will force the child to think from someone else’s perspective and they’ll be able to identify emotions/feelings based on someone’s facial expressions. 
• When they have fights with siblings or with a friend at school, ask them to consider other person’s perspective. What do they think they would have reacted if the same situation happened with them? Would they feel angry, bad? 
• Be a role model for them and practice empathy and compassion yourself. You can volunteer your time for a blood donation camp or help the new neighbours feel comfortable. This will have a huge impact on your child. 

Talk about biases and have a hard conversation: Most of the parents try to avoid discussions around topics like gender discrimination, caste discrimination etc. They don’t consider it as important. However, not having such type of discussions ends up in child absorbing in the societal biases and stereotypes and internalising those things as societal norms. 

Talk to them that women and girls haven’t always been allowed the same resources and to do the same things. Make them understand that people’s body comes in different shapes and sizes and not every family has the same resources and that families are composed of different combinations of people. In this way you’ll help your child to take in and respect diverse things around them. 

If your child comments on someone’s skin colour (which is common in India), don’t neglect it or just waive it off. Make them understand that each one of us have different skin tones and that doesn’t make us different from each other. 

Having these types of discussions is really very hard, but these discussions will make them open-minded people who respect others for who they are. 

Teach them to fight stereotypes: A lot of researches have shown that children as young as 3 year old, are aware of stereotypes. Help your child counter stereotypes by encouraging them to have a diverse group of friends. 

If they say things like ‘Girls aren’t good at maths’ or ‘Boys don’t cry’ remind them that none of this is true, teach them about stereotypes and how they are false most of the time. In case you notice that they are watching shows or movies that represent stereotypes, ask them questions like ‘Do you think it’s only the responsibility of the mother to cook for the family?’ and discuss with them.

Provide opportunities for children to practice empathy: Children can learn empathy and learning empathy is similiar to learning a new language or a sport. And that is the reason that children require continuous guidance, support and practice. It is important to give your child ample opportunities for practicing empathy. Some tips for parents: 

• Discuss ethical dilemmas with your child. This will help them appreciate different opinions and perspectives. Should I invite Priya to my birthday party when my best friend Sia doesn’t like her? But Priya did invite me to her birthday party. These ethical dilemmas may sound childish to you but these are the small instances where we can help children to see the situations from different perspectives. 
• Reflect on empathy and caring. Ask children about their opinions and perspectives like why it is necessary to take care of their grandparents? Encourage them to come up with answers and help them understand the importance of caring for others. 
• Have family meetings whenever there is a conflict or stress within the family members. Let the child put up their perspective on the situation, listen to their opinion as well and encourage them to listen and understand others perspective. 

Being able to empathize with others is truly a very important skill. Parents spend so much time in preparing their children for academic success, but they often fail to impart them with life skills, skills that will help them become better human beings. So, it’s important that you as a parent give as much importance and consideration to your child’s emotional skills and emotional intelligence.

Muskan Mehta Member since June 11, 2020

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I am pursuing my Masters in Psychology. I am quite passionate and enthusiastic about emotional intelligence. And here through this platform, I wish to spread awareness regarding mental health and emotional intelligence ?

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