Rejection. That’s a 9-letter word that you always want to avoid. And you’re only okay with it as long as people around you face it. But when it comes knocking at your door, all hell breaks loose. Why does it hurt us so much? Why does it affect us so much that we let it dictate not just our present but even our future?
Why does rejection hurt us?
We all have faced rejection at some point in our lives. Some might be ashamed of it, some have learnt to live with it, while others have grown further with it while using it as a building block to greater things in life.
Rejection by nature is designed to make you question your existence. It embarrasses you, makes you feel unwanted, kills your self-confidence and feeds your brain with the most dreaded negative thoughts. It hurts the very fabric of who you are.
It pinches every cell in your body in a way that you feel the burn, the hurt, the insult and you want to shout, cry, fight; but instead you rub it under your skin. You let it rest on a bed somewhere besides you and cover it with a blanket hoping that it sleeps forever and never sees the light of day.
You don’t want to address it yourself because you fear the damage it will do to you. But cut to a situation in life where you face rejection and BAM! it raises its ugly head from under the blanket and the old wounds become fresh again. The main reason why rejection hurts us is that we take ourselves too seriously.
Trust me – the lines between self-respect, self-confidence, overconfidence and pride can become hazy. And when one crosses into the domain of the other, that’s where we become self-destructive. I have been a victim of it. And it is definitely not a good place to be in.
Understanding rejection
I’m an actor. And an actor is extremely sensitive as a person. I laugh and cry at the blink of an eye. With such a temperamental emotional rollercoaster, you can imagine what one stroke of praise or critique can do to me. I am an emotional time-bomb.
In my field, I need to have a thick skin to handle rejection. At the same time, I must also be exposed emotionally in front of the camera. My vulnerability in front of the lens will make my audience relate to me. Now, how do I cultivate this skill of compartmentalizing – having a thick skin on some occasions and being emotionally vulnerable on others?
Trust me, each day is still a learning process. For instance, I go to an audition and there’s a long queue. A casting director comes out and in front of everybody, just looks at my face and tells me whether “I am fit or unfit”.
Earlier, my patience and mood depended on others’ opinions. If he said, “you’re fit”, then I’d be okay but if he said, “you’re not suitable”, or “you’re not fit”, then I’d take it extremely personally. It used to make me feel like a rejected vegetable in a grocery store. I used to take it extremely personally and used to question myself, often falling in the trap of self-doubt.
It took me a while to realize the meaning of that rejection. A casting director rejected me “for a project”, he didn’t reject my entire career or my very existence. My look may have not been exactly what the client is looking for but then there will be days when it will be just what the client wants. One day of rejection isn’t a rejection filled life.
I understood that I had to stop taking it personally. A casting director had said no to me. A person hasn’t. And even if it is a person who has rejected you in life, you’ve got to realize that it’s alright. If you start letting people dictate your happiness and keep looking for approvals and acceptance, then you’ll never be happy.
Understand where the rejection is coming from. Think about it, acknowledge it and let the feeling pass. I’m not here to tell you to become ‘Zen-like’. I haven’t achieved it myself. What I’m implying is – acknowledge the rejection, respect your feelings and then move on.
You’ll be surprised how minuscule a rejection will seem when you understand it.
If a person rejects you for your weight, or for the colour of your skin – it only highlights that person’s mindset. It has nothing to do with you. If a person rejects you for your financial status, then simply laugh over it.
Playing with rejection
There are various ways you can play with rejection. Some of them are:
- Engage in physical activity. It is important to break the feeling of isolation post a rejection episode. Go out. Play a game. Sing a song. Dance it out. Sweat it out. Let your body express how it’s feeling. You’ll feel much lighter and almost forget about the rejection itself.
- Go watch your favourite movie – one that makes you feel good, makes you happy and brings alive a positive streak in you. There’s a reason why an entire generation is addicted to Netflix. We’re visual creatures. Watch something pleasing and set your mood right. Never go to bed unhappy.
- Many a time rejection stems out of the other person’s insecurity. These insecurities might make them judgmental, abusive and they gain pleasure or boost their ego by rejecting others. It might be their own way to feel good about themselves.
- Start imagining them as a cartoon. No kidding. I imagined one of the casting directors who had rejected me as ‘Mojo Jojo’. Things have been pretty breezy and amusing since then.
- Have a sense of self. Tell that you love yourself. No matter what a person says, your impression of you will never be affected by it. You will treat both acceptance and rejection with equal grace. When you know your real worth, then you won’t need anybody to justify it. You’ll be at peace with yourself.
- Get into a room and abuse your heart out but leave it there. Remember to cleanse yourself of that emotion. So, if screaming helps you, do that without any guilt. But then go take a hot shower and wash it off.
In the end…
The manner in which you play with rejection depends on the kind of person you are. So, there is no general thumb rule that you can play only in the ways which work for me. Go ahead, explore and formulate your own ways to deal with rejection. You are too fabulous and valuable as a person to let rejection get to you.
Remember, these are expensive times we are living in. So, don’t let rejection stay with you and that too without paying rent. Go ahead. Live free. Be proud of who you are – unapologetically and unabashedly!
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