Ever wondered why it was the present generation of millennials that happened to bear the biggest brunt of a ‘generation gap’?
A generation gap is a difference in attitudes, beliefs and values between individuals of two separate generations that may lead to a misunderstanding or other differences. The phenomenon has been widely acknowledged in the last two decades owing to the issues that have arisen with this at the base. It is often seen that when this comes into play, there is a disconnect, not only between parent and child but also the family as a whole unit.
The seed of this issue goes back to the times when the followed familial values were an absolute set of rigid rules. The children of ‘baby boomers’ or the ‘traditionalist generation were raised in a societal setting without a voice. Children were seen and not heard and that was the norm. They were raised to agree with most decisions and were always mindful of their actions knowing that they could have severe repercussions. The societal changes through the first 20 years of their life must have been minimal if any leading them to have an embedded set of values to take forward. But lo and behold, as they were married and started families, the changes in society, thought and technology came one after the other and without a break. Funnily, a culture shock within their own culture.
What this did for them is similar to using the most basic mobile phone when touchscreen mobiles are getting better each day. The values they held were from a different era but the present era was a whole different one. These children of the boomers now had children of their own, the millennials. The millennials were born into a society of relatively higher freedom, progression and mind-blowing technology which is great until values came into play.
Generation X, the generation between Baby Boomers and millennials, were now trying to inculcate the best of their values in the millennial mind that had no understanding of why they can’t and why they must do some things. Cognitive dissonance (having two conflicting ideas or thoughts) did not sit too well, leading to the voicing of opinions. Gen X was never used to this and hence, often say “I’d never speak to my parents like that” or “If I was your grandmother, you wouldn’t be allowed inside again” or more famously “How dare you”.
The millennials were never able to understand what was wrong in pointing out a flaw or demanding to be treated at par with the elders around. Gen X was never able to explain or understand this demand because by the time these conversations arose, their children were in their teens and they were in their 40’s and 50’s which is a point when beliefs and values are not highly inclined to change. This gap between wanting to have a voice and being in a position of authority created a rift that rocked the boat and came to be termed a generational gap. This gap was not only a result of a different set of values but also the leaps and bounds by which society had evolved.
The introduction to a Western approach to things, the change in apparel, an economy that is rising and falling have all had its part to play. An example would be that in a time of crisis, both parents were working to keep the family afloat, and this maybe when the child is fairly young. This leads the child to grow up relatively independently and handling some difficult situations by themselves or with help from peers or other figures who may be of help. Towards the end of their education roughly around 20-22 years, parents choose to retire and spend time with their child(ren) who are now adults. Here, parents again and often impose restrictions that may have never been there and play the doting parental figure without realising the millennials are now adults or almost adults with their voices, identities and opinions.
Conversations that progress to dicey topics may have two opposing views, decisions may not be supported if parents don’t see them being in line with their culture and values which are in many senses out of place. These instances add up and have a snowballing effect, creating a gap and resentment in some form which eventually may lead to falling out. While this gap can be bridged in a way, it will take a multitude of things and heaps of effort.
So, to the parents of the millennials, an open mind may be a stretched out request, hence we begin with a conversation. A conversation that is not dismissive, conversation that does not require rising decibels, but rather, conversation that explains a point of view, conversation without comparison to the neighbours, to relatives, to friends and anyone at all. Comparison kills the essence of progress because as a growing individual, progress happens at different rates for different people. Comparison to when you were children cannot hold good considering the culture, society and atmosphere you were raised in is different in unimaginable ways and what good it is comparing an apple and an orange? As parents, consciously create a safe space for your child(ren) because when their world is swaying, let them know they can always come to you. This not only forms bonds of trust and love but also allows you to be an active part of their world.
To the millennials, our parents come from a time so different from ours, you wouldn’t imagine it with half as much accuracy. They did have struggles, they had to obey without question, they were many times put in difficult positions like earning for large families, early marriages, unwanted abuse, mental trauma which they could never voice and may even have been subject to torture. With all those years behind them, remember they had to adapt to a whole new world that was nothing like what they grew up in. They had to earn for families in economic downfalls and they could seldom express the toll the hardships took on them. So go easy on them. They aren’t going to change overnight, but with patience and more educated conversation, they may see reason and begin to open their minds. Don’t storm off, don’t get hot-headed, instead explain maybe thrice, argue maybe twice and conversate each day and each time you get the chance.
Bridge the gap that can be bridged.
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