The Importance of Setting Healthy Boundaries in a Relationship

The idea of being in a relationship is one that is extremely exciting for most young adults. It is a rite of passage that many young people experience on their way to adulthood, and it is a time of discovery and learning. However, there can be times when one finds oneself feeling lost, confused, and uncertain when in a relationship. They may feel as though there is no way out of their situation, and as a result of this, a tension between both partners develops, and eventually, there is a toxicity that is difficult to get past. The reason that tensions often develop in relationships occur as a result of not setting clear boundaries within it; there may be no boundaries at all. It is important to set certain boundaries when you are in a relationship with someone.

• Be self-aware: Before you begin making decisions about what kinds of boundaries you want to establish between you and your partner, make sure that you are self-aware. You must know what you want to bring to the table in the relationship, and you must recognise your feelings, desires, and motives. Once you have a clear idea of what you expect and what you hope to give to the other person, you will have specific ideas about what kinds of boundaries you want to set. If you don’t know for sure what you want to give and receive, making decisions about your relationship may be quite difficult.
• Communicate your thoughts and feelings: This particular tip is repeated in movies and books, but it is easy to forget when your relationship is constantly developing. Set time aside to communicate with your significant other. Be specific and direct about the things that you want and need, and listen to the things that they have to say as well. A relationship is a two-way street. You and your partner are equals within your relationship, and communication is a simple tool that can be used to discuss how you want your relationship to progress. Without speaking about what you want and need, you may end up creating a space that is filled with assumptions. This could eventually lead to an unnecessarily negative atmosphere.
• Take your partner’s perspective into account: When communicating, do not assume that you know what your partner needs or wants. Your relationship includes both of you. In the same way that you would like to be listened to and understood, make sure that you also listen and pay attention to what the other person is telling you. Sometimes, it is easy to listen, but difficult to hear what your partner is saying. Communication can help clear the air. By investing a significant amount of time in hearing what your partner is telling you, you are also reminding them that you see your relationship as something important to you.
• Show gratitude: It is important to express gratitude genuinely, and often. When you are in a relationship, it is easy to take the other person for granted. Remember to express your gratitude regularly. You don’t necessarily need to perform an extravagant gesture. A simple word of thanks is enough, but it makes your partner feel worthy and appreciated.
• Respect differences in opinion: This may seem obvious, but your partner thinks differently than you do. While similar opinions may have been a factor in your mutual attraction, you will find that as time passes, your opinions differ from one another. At the beginning, they may differ when it comes to ordinary things, like cuisines or television shows. Later on, your partner’s worldview may change, or their ideas about big decisions, such as marriage or children. In this case, communication is crucial, as well as the ability to listen to what they have to say. Your partner’s opinion may differ from yours, but this doesn’t always mean that their opinion is any less valid than your own. Respect what they have to say. If there are certain things that you are unable to agree or compromise on, find a way to let those subjects be. Set boundaries when it comes to conversation, especially when you know what subjects do not work for you both.
• Take responsibility for your actions: Admitting that you are wrong is never easy. If your partner tells you that you have wronged them in some way, take ownership of your actions and apologise. Instead of refusing to listen, hear them out. While your partner is speaking, do not interrupt them until they are finished. If you feel as though their tone was accusatory, ask them why they said so. Apologise when you know you are in the wrong, but do not let your partner walk all over you constantly. The relationship includes both of you, and both sides of the discussion are equally valid. If you find that you are unable to get past a particular incident, you must decide how you want to approach that subject and work your way through it.
• Do not set vague boundaries: When you are having a conversation about a certain boundary that you would like to set, make sure that you not being vague about what you want or don’t want. Be specific, and use specific words when communicating. By making random statements or avoiding the subject completely, you aren’t expressing your desires adequately, and your partner may move forward without any knowledge about how you feel. As a result of this, you may feel insecure in your relationship. Do not avoid the subject. Be direct and honest, and pay attention to the boundaries that the other person wants to set as well.
• Do not use absolute language: Refrain from using words such as ‘always’, or ‘never’ when setting a boundary. You may alienate the other person and cause them to feel distant and disconnected from you. Do not be ambiguous, but provide them with clarity about you needs and expectations, and provide them with the space to communicate the same.

It is easy to say that you would like to set boundaries within your relationship, but it is difficult to have a simple conversation and actually make it happen. By simply ripping off the Band-Aid and making it happen, you are likely to strengthen your relationship and make it better.

Amelia David Member since June 15, 2020

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