Banishing Drama And Negativity In 2020

We’ve all seen the memes floating around Facebook and Instagram of someone joyously batting away negativity and drama in 2020. Most of us laugh, and many of us share it with our friends and family because it is so relatable to all of us.

As each year comes to an end, we reflect on stressful events, people and situations we would rather avoid in the new year ahead. It’s one thing to say you are going to avoid drama and negativity, and another thing entirely to actually follow through on this. Unfortunately, I can’t tell you exactly what to do to avoid all unnecessary stress in 2020. I truly wish I could, if it were possible.

What I can and will share with you are strategies that will empower you. Following these strategies will armour you with the ability to shield yourself from negative people so they don’t impact you too much and give you skills to handle stressful events, so they don’t linger too long in your heart and mind.

And with that, here they are:

You can change your relationship with people that make you feel stressed (even if they’re family)

 Sometimes we are in relationships with people that bring us more hardship than joy. If this is the case with someone you are in relationship with (a relative, friend, partner), empower yourself to create boundaries with them.

You have the power to make changes and create boundaries regarding the amount of contact you want to have with that person. You’re not obligated to keep up the same level of contact with someone just because ‘that’s the way it’s always been.’ If someone is very stressful for you to be around due to negativity, drama, or personality clashes you can take space as needed.

Closeness in a relationship is more of a spectrum instead of an ‘all-or-nothing.’ Take some time to think about how much communication feels good versus how much seems to hurt your wellness and use that information to build your boundaries.

Some people prefer to explicitly state their boundaries with their loved ones to make their needs clear and come up with new agreements on the amount of contact. But please know, you do not always have to set boundaries using words. Your own behaviour can set the boundaries on what you intend to do. For example, if you only want to get together with someone once a month make plans with them once a month. If you do not want to text them during the workday, simply state that you will respond when you are out of work and consistently follow that.

You have the power to shape and change relationships to promote the highest good for yourself and your loved one. On the other hand, if you receive pressure from your loved one to spend more time or talk more than you are emotionally able to, remember that this does not mean you should abandon your boundaries. Someone who really loves you and wants the best for you will allow you to do what is in your best interest (even if it means they see you a little less).

Remember that you teach people how to treat you by what you accept

People around you are constantly learning how to treat you by consciously or unconsciously noticing the things you accept or reject. For example, if you are accepting of your partner handling all financial decisions, they might learn to make large purchases without checking with you first. If this was not okay for you, you would acknowledge that this situation was created by them handling all the financial decisions, and then you would course correct to change how money is handled in the family.

I prefer a more proactive approach that sets expectations for what we are comfortable with from the start. It’s not fair to expect our friends and family to be mind-readers when we can simply communicate what we need or expect in our relationships with them.

A huge part of self-care is communicating our needs and wants with others. If we want people to do things differently for us, it’s on us to communicate this. When we communicate our needs and wants (as well as what we don’t want), our relationships inevitably improve. If someone does not listen or follow what you need in the relationship, this may be a red flag.

Giving more mental energy to the negative squeezes out room in your mind for the positive

When negative things happen many of us can’t help but to over-focus and completely dissect it in our minds. We want to know why this happened, how we can avoid it in the future, and what to do about it. Some of that is natural and productive, but in this situation there is a fine line between productive and harmful.

It’s important to self-monitor your reactions to perceived negative events and start to move forward when you have sufficiently processed the pain of the situation. (Important side note: this is in reference to basic day-to-day stressors and does not apply to grief or traumatic events in which someone emotionally and neurologically cannot help but ruminate on it due to the impact of the trauma).

When a perceived negative event occurs, allow yourself to process the pain the situation caused you. Then shift focus productively by considering, “What can I learn from this experience?” This line of thought will shift your focus from rumination to healing.

And there you have it! Use these skills throughout 2020 to reduce stress and drama as much as you possibly can. There will be many stressful events out of your control but know that you have the power to improve your life – all year long.