“My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me.” ― Jim Valvano
Have any of you ever thought about how important and dominant parenting is?
Yeah! I can hear your answers coming, ‘it just goes with the flow’, ‘I have raised three kids, and they are lovely and successful now’, etc.
Yes, I agree that all the parents out there are alluring and great, but have you ever been in a situation where you are worried about some tiny bad habits your kid has irrespective of his/her age and discuss them with your partner and relatives. This is due to a few mistakes you do in their childhood. They are clearly not noticeable. Some parents do one mistake and some do many and they will never think how their mistakes are going to affect their kids in the coming days.
Some say I will raise my kid in a way so that he/she will come to me and share whatever trouble they have. I say its a nice thing, but the most significant thing you should know is he/she need not share everything but should be able to handle the trouble, be in their limits, and not misuse the freedom given.
Parenting is an art, and one should be exceptionally careful while dealing with it. ‘Parents are our first teachers’ is the most heard phrase according to me. So if every action you perform is influencing your kid, how cautious and vigilant you should be? Every trait your kid exposes later is a replica of you.
Parents mostly do not care when their kid is around, especially when the kid is small. We cannot imagine how kids observe, they are breathtaking. If you shout on your old mother today, your kid will do the same when he’s grown up.
Some of your actions which affect your children:
1. Your time for the child:
Mostly in the growing stage, you must take time out of your busy and crowded schedule. A child feels neglected when you don’t make time for him/her. Being neglected leads to depression in a huge way. Make time for them, acknowledge their interests, play with them, and get attached to them in every way you can.
2. Don’t fight when the child is around:
Getting into a fight with your partner in front of your kid is not so entertaining, right? Research says that children are affected up to age 19 by their parents fighting. Hearing angry voices, and brutal words from their parents can shoulder the kid with trauma. Children will experience emotional distress and can also trigger anxiety issues. Stop doing it in front of your kids.
3. Let them decide:
Ignoring your kids’ decisions in every place will lower their decision-making ability. Consider them instead of criticizing them. When you do not allow them to take the decisions which should be taken by them actually their self-esteem goes down. They feel they are belittled when they see their friend jumping with excitement while showing his bag to everyone and telling them that he asked his dad and he brought it right away. At least the little things should be left to their choice.
4. Overprotecting and pampering:
Being overprotective is clearly not essential. There is a thin and unnoticeable line between being protective and being overprotective. The kid will start feeling insecure as if someone is invading his/her private space. When you are overprotective you will not let them any of the things which a normal kid at that age does. This can cease the mental growth of the kid.
Pampering can be hazardous when the kid is out in the world. It will make them incapable. I have seen the pampered kids turning into spoilt kids when they leave home as in when they are admitted to a hostel or something. When pampering takes place at home, parents will not frown upon the kids’ bad behavior so indeed he is not used to someone blaming him/her. But the world frowns upon the bad behavior, it will not spare him/her like their parents. It is like the kid is thrown into a completely different world. It depresses his mental health and it is vastly tough for him to cope up.
5. Trust all the time & restrict when necessary:
Trust is the prime element, not just between parents and the kid but in every relation. When you do not trust your kids, they tend to do more things out of the line. Yes, checking on them is predominant, but only to a certain age. Beyond that would seem more like threatening them rather than checking on them. Instead of doing that, tell how much you trust them and tell them not to misuse the freedom given.
Do not restrict and control your kid in unnecessary places. Don’t try to establish authority, instead, keep it friendly. That is how my dad deals with me, he does restrict me but in essential cases. He knows what to do with me, this is because he trusts me and so my mom. She can be friendly and be firm at the same time, I don’t know when she transforms though.
Parents think they are doing a great job by restricting their kids, unfortunately, that is not true. Kids tend to do more bad things without their parents’ knowledge when they are restricted. And this, in turn, plants hatred in the kid’s mind towards their parents. So, it is not a good idea to restrict your kid whenever you want.
6. Don’t compare your child:
Well! Maybe other kids are brighter, smarter, and skillful than your kid but comparing will not make any difference instead it will lower your kids’ mental standards. Their self-esteem reaches unseen which is a huge setback to your kid caused by you. Every individual is born distinctly and raised distinctly. It would be foolish of you to except your kid to perform in a way the other one is performing.
Knowing your kids’ interests, and developing their skills will prove you as a better parent.
7. Don’t scold your child in public:
If your little one did something wrong, do not scold them immediately without considering the place and the people around. There is a different way to make them understand. Take them inside the home and tell them in a soothing way with examples. Yelling at them in front of everyone will influence the child’s confidence level.
In this way parenting is an extremely significant element in everyone’s life. Be careful when you do something because today’s action is your kids’ behavior tomorrow.