Mental Illness And Those Who Fought - The Story of Buzz Aldrin.

Mental pain is less dramatic than physical pain, but it is also more common and harder to bear. The frequent attempt to conceal mental pain increases the burden: it is easier to say my tooth is broken than to say my heart is broken. –CS Lewin

Mental illness is a rising concern. On an estimate, 1 in 6 people suffer from one or other mental health issues or substance abuse. This accounts for 1.3 billion people in the world (2019). And these numbers are rising every day. Due to such conditions, not only the life and relation of people are affected, but also a lot of people even take drastic steps like suicide. Close to 800 000 people die due to suicide every year, which is one person every 40 seconds.

Today, I bring to you a person we all know, who fought depression and alcoholism, and emerged as a hero- Buzz Aldrin. He is an American engineer, and former astronaut and fighter pilot. He was one of the first two humans to land on the moon, alongside Neil Armstrong. He has completed three spacewalks as a pilot of Gemini 12 mission and other as the lunar module pilot Apollo 11 mission.

Buzz Aldrin has struggled with depression and alcohol addiction. His family had a history of mental health issues. His mother, Marion Aldrin, battled depression and committed suicide. In his biography, he suggested that his mother found her son’s sudden fame difficult to deal with. This fact made him guilt-ridden. His depression led him to consume alcohol and this made him an addict. The depression and alcoholism impacted his life to a severe level- both personally and professionally. He has shared about his clinical depression and alcohol use disorder in his two autobiographies- Return to Earth (1973) and Magnificent Desolation (2009). At one celebratory banquet, Mr. Aldrin was breathlessly asked about the feelings on the moon. Afterward, he rushed outside into an alley and wept.

The problems started when after his ride from the moon on 20 July 1969. He was never able to return from that experience. He believed that his post-moon life was unable to match up the strange bright hours away from earth. He reported that he felt largely unfulfilled at home on the Earth.

According to him, “I had been to the moon, I had traveled around but what would I do next? So I felt discouraged, disappointed, and like I wasn’t a part of it.”

His exhaustion set in by late 1969, with the touring and speeches when he began to feel like a publicity pawn for NASA. He was hospitalized for depression at Wilford Hall Medical Centre for four weeks. Several jobs after that did not provide him the satisfaction, they were unfulfilling or unsuccessful. He wanted to resume his duties, but there were no duties to resume. He felt like there was no goal, no sense of calling, no project worth pouring himself into. Aldrin felt the dreaded feelings of hopelessness and despair. At that time, he started consuming a lot of alcohol, with days not getting out of bed. He put his marriage at risk by having romantic relations with another woman. He had two failed marriages in the decade.

In another interview, he mentioned, “What I felt was depression. There were also family situations developing at that time. My life was moving in one direction, and my family was going in the other. That eventually led to a divorce and the split-up of the family. But there was another trait that had been hidden. Everyone was drinking, and I was too. This led to periods of self-evaluation and concern. What am I doing? What is my role in life now? I realized that I was experiencing a melancholy of things done. I really had no future plans after returning from the moon. So I had to re-examine my life.”

In the early 1970s, Buzz did open up about his mental health in an LA Times article titled “Troubled Odyssey – ‘Buzz’ Aldrin’s Saga: Tough Role for Hero”, along with the feelings of aimlessness that had engulfed him for nearly two years and delve into deeper-rooted problems. During those years, he traveled around the country and spoke about his struggle with depression. He received several letters of encouragement. In all this, the most challenging turnaround was accepting the need for assistance and help. In August 1975, he stayed in an addiction center for 28 days due to alcoholism after his girlfriend (later wife) pushed him. This was a short term solution. But, he soon drenched into the pool of alcohol resulting in the second divorce. This lead to his first extensive involvement with Alcoholics Anonymous.

He mentioned, “It’s a situation where it’s down to the individual. The concern of what goes along with success is notoriety, and that has aspects to it that we’re not all pleasant to anticipate and then carry out unless it was serving a significant purpose, and then you can adjust to it… Whatever had to be coped with was done the best I could. While we were involved in the doing, it consumed a lot of time.”

He retired as an astronaut and was marginalized by NASA and the US Air Force and ended up working as a car salesman at a Cadillac dealership. He believed depression and alcohol had taken on his life.

Aldrin’s words on the issue: “When I left NASA and went back to the Air Force I was the first astronaut to do that. But I didn’t really get the assignment that I wanted at the Air Force Academy. I had chosen not to be retrained as a test pilot and so they put me as commandant of the test-pilot school. Well, that didn’t sit too well, so I was uncertain of what I was going to do.”

His involvement with Alcoholics Anonymous bought him back to the path of recovery, along with marriage to Lois Driggs Cannon. During this time, he, in a drunken rage, was arrested for smashing in the door of his girlfriend’s apartment. This resulted him in giving up the habit in October 1978. Aldrin found a new life purpose. He rediscovered his life purpose as an aide to recovering alcoholics and an author. Since then, he is working towards people suffering from alcohol abuse, including actor William Holden, though the latter died in 1981. Today, he is filled with ideas and plans. Now, he lives a happy and free life.

After 22 years, the astronaut mentioned, “Looking back at it now–with over 22 years of sobriety–this was probably one of my greatest challenges. But it has also been one of the most satisfying because it has given me a sense of comfort and ease with where I am now.”

Fighting with and mental health problems are not easy work, it needs the support of family, friends, and society. But efforts and hard work can make everything is possible. And always remember,

“You deserve, You can, You will.”