Learning To Set Boundaries

It was until February this year; I wasn’t aware of the power of this word. While talking to my therapist about how certain relationships in my teenage did not ‘feel’ right, she asked me, “How exactly did they not feel right, Ishita?” I told her how I did things that I won’t do when I’m feeling my best self, how I felt obligated to share pieces of me because I was a part of that relationship. Or just being confused or not being able to say ‘no’ because something makes me feel uncomfortable. So I just let that happen.

Have you ever been asked to confront your parent when you could barely talk because you were on the verge of crying and actually just needed to get some air? Or a non-platonic touch you didn’t see coming your way? Or your best friend calling you constantly for a rant when you didn’t have the headspace for it? Well. If these ring true for you, I don’t mean to make you fret here, but these are the times you could use the power I’m talking about here.

Boundaries give us the remote to the gate, which we may open if we are willing to let the guest in. It could be as simple as not answering that phone call or just walking out the door. In a world that romanticizes the idea of giving and sharing, it’s completely okay not to do it if you don’t feel like it. Everyone doesn’t need access to you. Some people are draining, and they don’t even know it. You’re allowed not to answer calls. You’re allowed to break plans. And if you need to save yourself, do it.

I still haven’t identified all of the things that make me feel at ease or discomfort. The only practical way to know my boundaries better is to be mindful of how my body responds to a person or a situation. By being a good listener, but this time, to my own body. To listen closely to the voices of your inner- child. Then, taking actions to protect it. Be assertive or walk away.

One can start by observing if these statements stand true: “I feel responsible for their feelings,” “I seem to take on their moods, and I am often nervous, anxious or resentful around them.” It could especially be true for empaths (emotional sponges, lol). If the answer to any of those is a yes, it’s time for some self-empowerment. To protect your energy, time, and space. And then do it all over again. Repeat these actions till you become confident in conveying your emotional and physical needs. After all, practice is what helps in strengthening newly learned habits.

Because honestly, wouldn’t it be beautiful living a life where each minute is lived intently? Doing what YOU actually want to do and also get to honor yourself, now THAT is a win-win situation.