Self-love Is Not Self-obsession

Self-love is a concept that is not oblivious to many, yet, people tend to confuse it with self-obsession or self-centeredness. For many of us, self-love might sound more of a new-age vogue or a luxury rather than a necessity. However, we often disregard the fact that self-love is of utmost importance, especially for individuals whose inner voice of self-criticism is eminent.

So, what actually is self-love?

Self-love refers to being comfortable in one’s own skin and space. Self-love is when one realises that their mistakes do not define them. Instead, they educate and build an individual. Accepting oneself after committing a mistake is what self-love is about. It is showing kindness and care to oneself. It is about being there for oneself, being there as one would be there for their friends or family. It is about protecting oneself from harm and damage, and from the misery created by one’s own mind. It is protecting oneself from injustice and inequality. It is standing up for oneself and being aware of what is rightfully yours.

Self-love is pampering and treating yourself, like you would want others to do. It is about going easy on oneself. When one loves themselves, it means they accept who they are and wear their imperfections gracefully. It is basically, knowing one’s worth and refusing to be crumbled under someone else’s influence. It is the key to mental peace and well-being. It is being aware of one’s capabilities and compelling oneself to take that extra mile to achieve your goals and dreams. It is said, “one cannot pour from an empty cup”, thus, in order to provide love and care to others, one should first nurture and love themselves.

Then, what is self-obsession?

On the contrary, self-obsession is the extreme of a continuum and refers to being extremely preoccupied with one’s beliefs, motivations, concerns, happiness and interests without any regard or respect for others. Such individuals tend to live in a superficial world, wherein they feel that no one is better than them. Self-obsession is a trait that deceives one into fruitlessly proving that they are better than the rest, in every aspect of life. It is an evil that provides strength to toxic thoughts and fuels the development of negativity inside an individual, towards others, thus, leading to isolation.

Self-obsession is about neglecting one’s flaws, let alone accepting them. It is about being unable to realise your mistakes. Thus, due to this inability of accepting their failures, self-obsessed individuals tend to face difficulties in learning from their mistakes. Further, people who are self-obsessed, experience problems in maintaining relationships as they lack empathy and add little effort in understanding other’s feelings and thoughts.

There are times when people who are not self-obsessed are guilty of manipulating others, in order to get their work done, failing to infer another individual’s perspective, considering and caring only about one’s desires and needs, and being callous towards other people. However, self-obsessed individuals tend to practice this type of behaviour regularly, unlike others who practice one or a few of these sometimes.

Therefore, self-love teaches one how to be a happy person, whereas self-obsession teaches one how to be happy only with yourself. Self-love is being confident but not boastful, whereas self-obsession is being arrogant. The former builds up self-esteem, while the latter tears it down .

There are several ways to love oneself, ways that would not send you down the gloom pathway of self-obsession.

Practicing mindfulness: This is one of the best ways to alter your perspective about different aspects of life. It provides a shift from a ruminative default thinking to a clear present moment thinking. It causes one to be less wrapped up in the swirl of mental preoccupations and thoughts. Mindfulness also cultivates the art of deep listening within an individual, which is essential as it helps one in getting out of their own head and becoming attuned towards others.
Accept yourself as you are: This is easier said than done. Embracing one’s strengths and weaknesses is tough. However, once done, one would be able to move mountains! One should constantly remind themselves that they are a divine creation and that the idea of an ideal size and shape is a mere fallacy. Thus, be kind to your soul and body by practicing meditation or spirituality, and exercising or following a healthy diet.
Practice effective and active listening: Self-obsessed individuals are known to disregard other’s opinions and experience difficulties being in another person’s shoes. Active listening tends to develop an open mind, as one no longer struggles to understand people’s perspective. It creates a desire for continuous growth as one learns from their failures and from the feedback provided by others. It also helps in building relationships and resolving conflicts.
Inculcate humility: People confuse humility as thinking less of oneself, however, it is thinking about oneself less, in other words, having a low self-focus. People who are humble tend to have more generosity and gratitude which is vital in building relationships. A part of humility is intellectual humility, which is being aware of the fact that one does not know everything and that one keeps learning and growing throughout their life. Humility also allows individuals to engage in conversations, as well as respect the viewpoints of those who hold different opinions.
Take baby steps: Start by thanking someone for something trivial. If you are facing trouble expressing gratitude, then fake it until you make it! This would result in you being less self-obsessed, even if it is by accident. Although one may feel that they deserve more and that the other person did not add much effort, still, thank them. Another baby step is doing something small for someone. Helping others in a way helps us, as it is a powerful way to boost our happiness. Doing good for someone not only feels good but also does good to us in the long way.

In conclusion, there is a thin line between self-obsession and self-love. However, many fail to understand these small differences and tend to puzzle themselves. Not loving oneself is unhealthy, loving oneself is essential but ONLY loving oneself leads to the failure of one’s mental and physical growth! Thus, seek self-love but do not become self-absorbed!