Why don’t men cry? This question seems very simple but it wraps thousands of reasons behind it. Begins with our so-called Modern societies whose norms, stereotypes and practices tried to lessen men crying, and symbolically associated crying with femininity, weakness, loss of emotional control, emotional blackmail, non-heterosexuality and so on. Yes, over this past two decades there has indeed been greater acceptance of men and boys crying, regardless of the cause, but yet this is certainly not universally accepted.
It is ironic, that where some social situations suppress men emotional feelings, but also there are some specific situations where crying is more acceptable for boys than others. It typically involves settings where hypermasculinity has already been demonstrated. For example, masculine team sports (various football codes, among athletic and swimming teams). It is common in those settings to see men cry either with the emotion of a victory or the desolation of a loss. Men in those settings can cry, hug, comfort each other.
First, let us understand why do humans cry? Tears are produced in response to strong emotions which we experience as in anger, fear, sadness, physical pain and so on. They even contain a natural painkiller, called leucine enkephalin so, it is said that have a good cry when you need to. Crying is good in aspects of both psychology(mind) and physiology(body). According to researchers, these are some ways where crying may benefit our health:
- Detoxifies the body
- Helps self soothe
- Dulls pain
- Improves mood
- Getting sympathy
- Helps to recover from grief
- Restores emotional balance
Emotions followed by tears are completely individualistic and irrespective of the gender and let us let it remain that way. But, do we or our society do like it?
Let me share a personal incident of Ankita Roy which was narrated by her-
“When my ma passed away, a few people gathered around in our house. Our extended family lives in another city. We had moved to a new house in a new locality like a week back and we knew nobody around. Now, I was in a state of shock. It felt as if I am not present there. I couldn’t cry and what I found weird was these random people, who didn’t know me or my mother were sobbing. Maybe they felt bad, I could never know. Anyway, I faced so much flak later for not crying in those three-four hours till the cremation more because these random people can cry but you won’t. The only relative present was my aunt (mother’s sister) and she later accused me of being a bad daughter solely, because I wasn’t crying or showing any emotions altogether. After all, ma had always been proud of me as far as I know. Have I not cried? Oh yes and a lot! I have cried later when the reality hit me but no, I couldn’t cry then.
Now, what is very strange is that my dad was crying. But people expected him to hold himself together because he had a young daughter to take care of. So, I was supposed to cry and my dad was supposed to comfort me and not the other way round just because he is a man and I am a girl.“
Leaving the serious discussion aside, what I mean to say is that please break the barriers of these stereotypes created by us. I mentioned this incident to point out the fact that we stick to our expected conventional behaviour even for very critical situations. There is a lot of pressure on boys for not crying but I know they want to and they need to sometimes. So, please let them otherwise they are forced to retreat into isolation and then cry away from the watchful eyes of the society. This is wrong because I believe that we all need a shoulder to cry on and a helping hand to guide us through.
Men are always expected to be very strong creatures who shouldn’t cry but are expected to just “man up” and deal with whatever comes their way. However, there is no law or written rule that says men aren’t supposed to cry, especially when dealing with some of life’s most challenging obstacles.
Crying is often associated with weakness, but that is not the truth — crying shows humanity and passion. It is seen as the norm for women and children to cry, but even at young age men have been taught that crying is for women or that it makes them less of a man if they cry. This is untrue — if anything, crying truly shows the ability to deal with problems. It leads them to fall into depression more often because they find no one to express themselves.
They are also human beings. They have emotions too and they have tear glands too. They also feel bad at funerals, notification of the death or illness of a close friend or family member, at weddings (their own, usually) and during break-ups. But sometimes they might feel insecure to share their emotional expressions with others. It is better for us to know them and understand what they want. It is not easy to empathize and understand them as easy for us to judge and make a comment on them.
Dear males, It’s OK to cry. It may even be beneficial to you. If you feel the need to cry, don’t hold back your tears. Tears are a normal, healthy way to express emotion. You don’t need to maintain a “stiff upper lip“. Let’s break this gender stereotype and the rules of our society (to be precise that ‘log kya kahenge?’ thing) because Boys Don’t Cry But Heroes Do!
There is a beautiful poem written by Mr Bhuvanmohanan.
Who said boys don’t cry?
Have you noticed that boy
in the corner of your class,
bullied, beaten and barred?
that introvert kid, always
calm like a deep sea,
but inside a screaming storm,
that energetic kid,
abused by his angry dad,
his vim and verve
sucked out of him,
he’s been unlike himself lately,
that teenage kid,
failed in his exams,
and everyone made him feel
like his whole life is a failure,
that college boy,
who dropped out,
because he couldn’t pay the fee,
and that graduate,
who didn’t get a job
even after being the topper,
for so long that
he doesn’t feel like living anymore,
that man, who is heartbroken,
all his tears,
fell on his beard,
salted, and messy,
that divorced man,
who misses his wife
and daughter so bad,
that he cries himself
off to sleep, every day,
that middle-aged gentleman,
who lost his job,
worried about his family,
startled, broke, and sad,
that neighbour uncle,
who doesn’t have a child,
and lost his wife in an accident,
that old man on the roadside,
left alone by his son,
after his wife’s death,
struggling,
for food and shelter,
they all cry.
Who said, boys, don’t cry?
Some tears, you can’t see
People reacted to this story.
Show comments Hide commentsbeautifully written ……keep going, the way u express through words are awsm.
Thanks a ton Sulipi!
Lots of love ❤
Fab??…keep growing??
Thank you so much, really means a lot?
Bohot badiyaaa loved it keep writing
That\’s very sweet of you.
Thanks a bunch! ?
??♥️ keep growing
Well done &keep growing ??♥️♥️
Well done keep growing ??♥️♥️
Keep growing??♥️♥️
Keep growing ??♥️♥️
Keep growing ??♥️♥️
Thank you so much Krishan ???
Please accept my endless gratitude ??
I especially loved the way you added the poem by Mr bhuvanamohan at the end. It\’s really good. I can see the efforts put into the scripture vividly.
That was so sweet of u ?
Eternal Thanksgiving?
Nice post about the typical male stereotypes. However, your article clearly explains the inner emotions that a male keeps within him suppress because of society that portrays male chauvinism and masculinity. Well written! nice expression
Thanks a million for your valuable time & comment ❤
A very relevant topic to choose! Which points out to the gender stereotypes present in the society.
I am so happy that you liked my work ?
Good work, your article reflects the effoerts you have taken!
Good work, this article truely reflects the hard work and efforts taken up by you.
That\’s such a warming words.
Love you❤
Well done babs keep growing with all your talent ????
Thank you so much bub??
Well done keep growing ??♥️♥️
well written Rubina ?❤ keep writing
Thank you so much anika ?
Lots of love ❤❤❤