DISCLAIMER: This article intends to spread awareness about suicide. If you are at risk or someone you know is, please call any of these helpline numbers http://www.aasra.info/helpline.html
‘The sky looks quite different today, doesn’t it?’ I said. Dr Sen smiled and said, ‘To me, the sky looks different everyday. My dear, it is not the sky, it is our perception.’ It was around 5:30 pm. It was the time period between sunset and the nightfall. The ambience seemed magical. The bridge between the brightness of day and the darkness of night looked mysterious to me. I tried to bring back my attention and continue the conversation with him. Dr Sen was a renowned Professor in a reputed university and a guest lecturer in various others. He is a retired person now. But he has barely anytime to feel so. He is engaged in a number of non-government organisation, different charitable trust and a foundation of his own. Although his area of expertise deals with bio-chemistry, he had developed interest in psychopathology in the later phase of his life. He started researching about mental illness and India. His papers emphasise on how neglected this field of study is, how our society struggles to hide it and how it is highly stigmatized even today. He has worked greatly on the statistics of suicides in India, which is why I was asked to hold an interview with him. Since he was an extremely well learned polymath, I had to do my homework overnight before I went to meet him.
Dr Sen took me to the drawing room from the balcony and asked me to seat my seat. ‘Tell me dear, what should I start with.’ he said. I told him that I would want to focus on ‘suicides’ in this particular interview. I wanted to know how and why did this topic intrigue him. He took a deep breath and said , ‘I am a man of pure science. I’ve spent half of my life in laboratories. I always considered everything as an equation, a calculation, an objective approach and those which are not, are beyond my understanding.’ He said that he was working in a prominent institution in the first half of his career, where he was very close to one of his colleague, Mr Prithvi Sinha, of the Psychology department. ‘Prithvi was a gem of a scholar. He was highly knowledgeable yet humble. He was the only colleague I had, who could leave me spellbound by the way he spoke. I’ve seen him go through acute stressors in his life, but never had I seen him them demotivating him. He was able to bring a broad smile on everyone’s face, effortlessly. The more I got to know him, the more he surprised me with his principles and thoughts.
A few years later we got an information revealing that he had died by suicide. This was something I could not believe then, nor can I believe now. Somewhere deep within my soul denies it. A man like Prithvi could do anything but suicide. That incident shook my way of perceiving life to an extent. I decided to look into the matter.’ I noticed him stammering at times. I figured out that it must be difficult for him to recollect such incidents, without feeling any kind of grief. He elaborated extensively on how he wanted to find out the truth behind it. He was taken aback when he got to know that Mr Prithvi’s case was indeed a suicide, neither an accidental death nor a murder. He was not ready to buy that, but he had no choice. That is when he started to research on suicides.
‘Can you introduce to me the relevance of understanding the concept of suicides in a country like India?’ I asked. Dr Sen described the concept in details in order to introduce the topic to us, stating, ‘Suicide is referred to an unnatural death, where in the intention of dying is originated within the person because he has a reason to end his life which he might or might not have specified through any medium. It is not only the marginalized groups who are prone to this, it is not only the farmers or the vulnerable adolescents who are in danger, but it could be anyone, anywhere in need of help and by the time I complete my interview with you, more than 10 people would have already taken away their lives.’ His pitch elevated as he continued speaking. I could sense the agitation in his tone and see the concern on his face.
He told me how, suicide is one of the most common causes of death in both the age groups 15-29 years and 30-40 years. He shared with me a number of statistical data of suicides. 17% of the total of number of people who die of suicide in this world are residents of India. ‘Sir, why do you thing people take up such a drastic step?’ I asked him with utmost fret. He said, ‘Some have been starving since years, and the others have been spending in crores. Some have nobody of their own and some have thousands of acquaintances. Some are struggling to find life partners while others are married of to filthy rich people. Some are fighting fatal diseases while others are blessed with good health. Some don’t have anyone to take care of them and the others are burdened with people they need to take care of. Some have left everything on the almighty while others have given up all for their addictions. You’ll find some struggling to find a job while some who are exhausted because of their job. Ultimately, they are all risk prone, they all might be in danger. The society should be able to identify them. That is the first step to provide help. Unfortunately, our society is reluctant to do so. And so is the person. In India, the common causes are bankruptcy, marriage related issues, dowry related issues, divorce, extra marital affairs, impotency or infertility, failure in examination, family issues, bereavement, drug abuse, fall in social reputation, poverty, unemployment, property dispute, physical or sexual abuse, illegitimate pregnancy, career issues. The other cause which are not that common should be given equal importance and researched on.’
Thereafter, I asked him if education has to do anything significant with suicide. His reply to this horrified me. He told me that 80% of the suicides were literate and about 19,120 suicides took place in a year in India’s largest 53 cities. I wanted to know the methods of suicides which are used often in our country. He said ‘It is mostly poisoning, hanging, self-immolation, wrist-cutting. While I was pondering on this, chill run down my spine. I felt scared only thinking of this, I wondered how people did this in reality. Dr Sen seemed pretty effected when he spoke of student suicides, farmer suicides, domestic violence.
Finally, I came to the most important part of the interview, which would throw light on the relation between ‘Depression and Suicide’. He poured a glass of scotch for himself and sat on the sofa, adjacent to me. He put his mobile phone aside, stared at the ancient wall clock and said ‘First you need to understand that depression is not mere sadness. Depression is a mental health condition where in your hormones are altered to such an extent that it effects our day to day lives, it needs to be treated by professionals. The relation between the two is also very evident, meaning, everyone who have depression do not die by suicide but having major depression does increase suicide risk compared to other people. The risk also depends on the severity of depression. It is seen that 60% of people who die of suicide have had a mood disorder, like my daughter. Yes, Taara, my daughter was in depression since two years before her death. I never knew about this, she had hidden it from me efficiently. Clearly, so that I do not find out about this, she discontinued her therapy. I was of the opinion that she was over-reacting to her break up, like any other teenager and that she would be fine as time passes. I probably failed to realize her struggle of growing up without a mother and losing the only friend she had made. She did not give me a chance to understand her. She had taken away her life before that.’ I felt his voice break, while he was asserting this incident. But he carried on, ‘People say, those who suicide are weak, they are cowards, they cannot face the reality, I have realized how incorrect these statements are. My daughter was not weak, Prithvi wasn’t a coward. I rather consider myself fragile, because I couldn’t hear their cry, I couldn’t comfort them. All those acid attack victims, divorced women, young students are not infirm. They are worn out because of their situation. They need help. They need us. But we do nothing, except pushing them away. An immense courage is required to take away one’s own life. He or she must be going through unbearable pain, which makes them feel that it would be easier to die than to continue living that way. They don’t need your sympathy. They need your assurance, just as Taara did. But, I only ignored, avoided, neglected. Now, even after so many achievements, I consider myself a failure. I wish I could get back those days. Only if I could get back my Taara.
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