Escaping The Depression Trap

Most of us have gone through depression at some point in our life. If you haven’t yet, probably you might in future.

However, not all of us recover from it. Of those who fail to recover from depression, many of them end up in a trap. What is this trap?

Failure to keep up with our everyday life, due to depression, which leads to a screw up somewhere, making us fall deeper into depression.

This happens due to one of two reasons.

Reason 1:

We feel an urge to recover from our depression by taking up more workload to make our lives better, and fail to keep up with the overload.

When something in our life suddenly goes wrong and reaches a very bad state, it causes us to fall in depression. We get upset, feel low and lose the motivation to be active and energetic. Once this extends beyond a reasonable amount of time, we feel we need to succeed somewhere else to gain our energy back. We think of changing something in our life that we are unhappy about.

We have a lot of things in our life that we are unhappy about, at any point of time. We might want to quit that job we hate. We might want to take our romantic relationship to the next level. We might want to work on ourselves.

We hear a voice whispering in our head that sweet talks us into submitting that resignation letter, making that proposal, and buying that gym membership.

Now, if we are already in a position to do these things, it is good to focus more there, and push ourselves. However, if we push ourselves to advance in one of these goals, just to feel better, before we are actually ready, we may end up with more disappointment. This could push us deeper into depression.

Assume that my partner dumps me. I am really upset and I can’t focus on my work at all. I am a fresher at an entry level job, and I have not settled into my job yet. Because of the frustration about my failed relationship, I decide to take up on a certification course so that I can get a promotion or may be a better job, in the very recent future. However, the job that I haven’t settled down in, which is already too hard to focus on because of the depression, becomes much harder with this new course to follow up with. So I mess up with my work and I get fired.

Now I have to find a job irrespective of how suitable it is for me. I might end up in a job that pays me less than my previous job. I might end up with a more boring job. I might end up with a worse management.

What I am trying to say is, it is natural to try and escape a disappointment by getting an upgrade somewhere else in life, but it may not always work well. Taking the time to let things cool down, and focusing on performing our current routine until we recover, could help us better than we think.

Reason 2:

We face a major fall in our energy and tolerance level, but we do not reschedule our everyday routine to match this reduced level of potential.

There are times when we experience a loss that is very elusive. We may have to live with this pain for quite some time, until it gradually fades away. Living with something very heavy can affect our spiritual and intellectual energy, and this will inevitably have an effect on our physical energy as well. We have to be rational and make some lifestyle changes. We may have to downsize some of our goals and maybe postpone certain ongoing projects.

Assume I am living in an expensive apartment and to compensate for the splurge, I am giving guitar lessons at a music school.

One day I get informed that my close friend died. I am upset, obviously. I am in no mood to give classes. It takes some energy for that kind of interaction.

If I continue to do it though, for the money, I might lose my value as a teacher. Or this could affect my work, which is already vulnerable to my fragile state of mind. I should ideally cancel these classes, dedicate that time to take up a new refreshing activity that could heal me. To do that, however, I need to cut down on my budget. I should probably move to a less expensive house.

But I really like the house. This again means I would choose to continue giving classes, and I lose my reputation as a teacher and eventually I am forced to quit. If I manage fine here, I am very likely to burst out in anger and frustration at work.

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I am not saying that depressed people should not have goals and ambition, but I am saying some of them may not be able to afford these things until their soul heals. Some might even need to lose some of their existing goals in order to emerge healthily and recover properly.

This recovery is important. Depression makes us see things differently. It makes us assume that we don’t care about certain things. It makes us overemphasise things that do not mean much to us. And getting out of this illusion and exhaustion is worth giving up a goal or two, for a brief period.

When that recovery finally happens, you would be happy about the choices you made. You would be glad you made it through. You would be in a place you had intended to be in. You can start fresh and reach great heights.

Efforts are more efficient when you are yourself. Don’t rush. Wait for the illness to be cured.

Losing a couple of matches, in an experiment to win the tournament, is not weak. It’s smart. If you don’t believe me, ask Shah Rukh Khan (it’s a Baazigar reference, if you are wondering).