If you have ever felt that you are too nice a person, and this makes your life harder, maybe you could try and understand how people perceive you and respond to you.
Here are a few things to register in your mind.
The disadvantages of being too nice:
1) It makes them look bad
You might have noticed that sometimes the one who benefited from you being kind mocks you for being so naive. They got what they wanted but why is that they feel the need to insult you?
Deep inside they know they are not capable of reciprocating your kindness. So they instinctively try to establish that it’s not a smart thing to do.
2) They can’t respect you
Most people are programmed to believe that we all care more about what we want for ourselves. So if you are easily giving up what is yours they assume you are compete for it. They think you are too weak to put up a fight or disagree. This is especially true of those who sometimes fight for things that they don’t even deserve.
3) You are predictable
Sometimes people need you to accept something that is probably unfair to you, just because it helps them.
When people know before-hand that you are going to agree to their terms, you become an easy target.
They approach you every time they are in need of someone who wants to avoid conflict and is way too flexible.
4) They think you like them
Sometimes when you are too nice to a stranger, or an acquaintance, it might give them the idea that you are interested in them. For someone as nice as you, it might be harder to break the news to them, after you understand what is going on. It probably isn’t easy for you to let them carry on with the assumption either. So you end up in a dilemma.
5) They think this is who you are
People who know you well, but not very well, might get used to the idea that you enjoy letting them have their way. They may not understand that you are involuntarily doing this and are often times upset and disappointed at yourself.
They have no clue what they are doing to you.
6) Your friends look bad because of you
People who wish you well are not always going to let you be taken advantage of. Although they are proud of your kindness, they would want to intervene when you are putting up with way too much. Instead of you pointing out the unfair treatment you are getting, your friends end up confronting the bad guys. This could create an assumption that they are taking control of your life and could invite trouble for them.
Things you can achieve by becoming more assertive:
7) You won’t hurt them by fighting back
One of the reasons why you don’t fight back for what you want is that you are afraid you might hurt the other person. They want it so bad, maybe they will hate me if I don’t let them have it. They might, but they will get over it. To them, people fighting for what they want is the normal. They may dislike it, but if they are a rational and decent human being they would accept it.
8) You will make them better than they are
People who take advantage of others are not inherently bad. When you confront them, or may be gently explain what the right thing to do is, it could influence them. They may not change immediately but your effort could contribute to the collective effort of the society to bring a change in such people.
9) When you do let them win, they will appreciate it
Once you have established that you are assertive, people don’t take you for granted.
They would know you won’t give in to their demand if you actually did not want to. This makes them appreciate the gesture compared to when you always accept their demands and they don’t even notice you are being kind to them.
10) They will enjoy the challenge
When you voice your opinion and fight back, it gives people an opportunity to argue. People who love debates and tough negotiations will develop a liking when they see someone who stands up for what they believe in. The only way they can express themselves is this and they appreciate it if you play along and match their energy. They are more likely to respect you and your demands.
11) When you like someone more, they will recognise it
When you don’t let everybody have their way with you, it stands out when you do it for the one you love.
They will notice that you don’t do this for everybody and will naturally enjoy the special treatment. They might be encouraged to return the attention, and this could be the one thing you are missing out from the ones that are close to your heart.
12) You could inspire people
A lot of us are hesitant to disagree with people simply because we are not sure about it. When someone takes a brave stand and starts speaking up for themselves it instils a push inside us to try the same.
13) Internal satisfaction
If you learn to say no when you want to say no, you will feel much better when you say yes to people.
When you agree with everyone and everything, you develop an aversion to it, and you stop feeling satisfied when you do something nice for someone. This pushes you to expect gratitude in return to feel good about yourself. But when you choose to respond the way you want, you stop looking for external validation for your kindness.
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