Even though we have the innate nature to connect, we often end up feeling alone. But loneliness is not just about being alone. Loneliness, also known as social isolation, is defined as a situation in which there is a lack of certain social relationships. It is characterized by feelings of emptiness and abandonment. It is our perception that we are isolated or disconnected from the world.
There are four types of loneliness depending on the factors that cause it:
1) Social loneliness
This is one of the most common types of loneliness that we see in our day-to-day lives. It is often experienced by people who are shy and doubt their competence. Engaging in a social event directly may not be an immediate cure. However, you can start by taking up a hobby or joining a virtual event.
2) Situational loneliness
This type of loneliness is caused by social and environmental factors. This mainly happens due to some unpleasant experience that you may have faced in your life – migrating to a new place, losing a loved one in an accident. It often results from circumstances which make developing new relationships difficult. One way of curing this loneliness is by getting in touch with like-minded people – someone who can relate with you and your experiences.
3) Developmental loneliness
Even when all of us feel the need to be individualistic and independent in taking our own actions, there is always this one desire for someone to be there in our life who can support us in any way possible. Whether, it is the desire of a child for his/her mom to be there with them on the first day of school or a friend who would always be there to help you when you get into trouble. There should always be a balance between independence and the inborn desire for intimacy for healthy development and an imbalance between the two leads to developmental loneliness.
4) Internal loneliness
We always assume that being alone is what loneliness is. But this is not always true. The definition of loneliness also includes the perception that we are lonely even when we have adequate relationships. This is where self-esteem and self-worth come into play. Self-esteem and self-worth are highly correlated with each other, but at the same time, they are two different terms. Self-esteem is a person’s subjective evaluation about oneself, as in, beliefs about oneself which may not necessarily be true. On the other hand, self-worth is a favourable opinion about oneself.
“Self-esteem is what we think and feel and believe about ourselves. Self-worth is recognizing ‘I am greater than all of those things.’ It is a deep knowing that I am of value, that I am loveable, necessary to this life, and of incomprehensible worth.”
People with low self-esteem and less self-worth are seen to feel internally lonelier than others. This can often lead to chronic loneliness, that is, loneliness will start to become “the new normal”.
Prolonged feelings of isolation can lead to both physical and mental health problems. Loneliness is often associated with anxiety, depression and even suicidal thoughts. Scientists say that it is as bad for your health as over-eating, alcoholism and smoking. Thus, it can have a detrimental impact on your overall wellbeing.
Alright, then what is solitude?
Understanding how solitude shapes our thoughts and feelings is very crucial.
Unlike loneliness, solitude is a positive construction of being alone. It is not about avoiding others. It is about being with yourself. We are so busy being busy and so used to being connected 24/7. Sometimes we need to seclude or isolate ourselves to avoid being disturbed or purely for the sake of privacy. As a result, you would be able to free up the mental space to help you focus on things that need your attention. You can get your work best done when you make time for solitude.
Freedom is seen as one of the positive results of solitude. Creativity is sparked when there is freedom. It allows your brain to think outside the box and to come up with unique, extraordinary solutions to ordinary problems.
“The monotony and solitude of a quiet mind stimulates the creative mind”- Albert Einstein
Another benefit of solitude is the development of self. You discover your identity in the absence of distractions and get a chance to gain a new perspective in life. It helps you answer 4 basic questions:
- Who am I?
- What makes me unique?
- Where am I going in life?
- Am I comfortable with myself?
“These days we tend to believe that creativity emerges from a decidedly gregarious process, but in fact, it requires sustained attention and deep focus. Also, humans are such porous, social beings that when we surround ourselves with others, we automatically take in their opinions and aesthetics. To truly chart our own path or vision, we have to be willing to sequester ourselves, at least for some period of time.” — Susan Cain
Some individuals seek solitude for discovering a more meaningful and vital existence. For example, in religious contexts, some saints prefer silence and find immense pleasure in their perceived uniformity with God.
Studies show that solitude helps you to improve your relationships by helping you to build compassion, better life satisfaction and lower levels of stress. Extroverted people depend extremely on their social life while introverted people tolerate high levels of loneliness. Both groups need some amount of solitude to maintain harmony.
Overall, solitude helps us shape the view of the world and ourselves.
To sum up……
Many a time, we do not understand the difference between loneliness and solitude as both have often been associated with the nature of “being alone”. Basically, they are the pain and joy of being alone respectively. Building important relationships are essential for combating loneliness. Remember that you are not alone- there are many people who are fighting against it. Calm down and learn to appreciate yourself. As always, do not be afraid to reach out to someone! However, if you are constantly feeling overwhelmed or stressed, take time to connect with your inner self and reboot yourself.
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