We virtually treated a depressed person

We Virtually Met a Depressed Person.

This blog is about a depressed person who was counselled for wanting a psychologist for his mother when he died. 

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. ….

Someone had rightly defined miracles. He said, ‘When something inexplicable happens which contradicts laws of nature then we call it a miracle’.

This project which WAS 

posted on one freelancer’ website and which we talk about, was like a miracle. It was because we haven’t ever seen such a project. It was by some disturbed son who was terminally sick and looking for a senior psychologist for her mother. Interestingly, it was not for him and that too for his mother when he died. It surprised us. This blog is about him.

 

• If Roman was a depressed person?

Whether Mr. Roman (name changed for confidentiality) was a depressed person? At least the project, the contents of the project, and his later behaviour suggested so. How a sick person like him, sitting in the hospital should worry for his mother? He was probably too handicapped to learn the dynamics. He was peculiarly expecting support for her mother when dies.

Precisely, he was looking for a Senior Psychologist who can handle his mother at the time she hears the news of the death of her child, Mr. Roman. He wanted to give this job as a freelance assignment to a senior psychologist and to pay $200/in advance.

This project was on a freelance site last year during covid 19 period when pandemics were at their peak. We were mostly choked inside the house. Virtual platforms were the only source of engagement and some earnings. It was probably may-June when deaths were common and there was no hope on the horizon. We remember the first time when we did the project then we let it go but later, checked.

We re-checked the project. It sounded interesting but confusing, making me pity the poor chap. It was at this time that our psycho background came into service making me conclude that the unintentional caretaker of Mr. Roman has done a sin to him by creating a situation to learn nothing to live happily.

Consequently, we pitied why caretakers are so unaware that they unknowingly converted the prince, Mr. Roman into a dependent person.

 

• Mr. Roman didn’t value our effort:

We wanted to help him. We wanted to train him about various aspects of life and for that we choose to communicate with each other in writing. We were aware of transactional analysis. We used the space provided on the website. We wanted Mr. Roman to start believing in himself. By the time we completed it, it was late at night but we were feeling good and we were engaged fully as if we were doing him a great job.

But we were wrong. We were probably expecting too much as what we talked about was something against the way he was built up. In that case, we needed first to clear his mind from all the residues and then, to feed new data. It was a time taking thing we weren’t ready for.

However, the next day, all our enthusiasm vanished.  It is because maybe due to my written inputs, Mr. Roman had deleted everything from the site. I pitied my unprofessional way of dealing with him. However, there isn’t anything left to blog about.

Me. Roman had deleted the project also which as per my memory we have reconstructed for you as below:

The project:   ‘Need a senior psychologist’

‘I need a senior psychologist to counsel my mother. She is a very emotional and sensitive lady. She loves me very much. I do not want her to die, damage, or harm herself when she hears about me. You as a senior psychologist will be able to help her from being shocked to death..etc…..’

( written based on memory only)

After deletion, the project was looking as below.

Roman R.

0% (0)

PROJECTS COMPLETED

–

FREELANCERS WORKED WITH

–

PROJECTS AWARDED

0%

LAST PROJECT

27 Jul 2021

…….

 This is how the page was appearing after deletion.

 

• We counselled:

We weren’t wrong anywhere other than that we expected too much from a depression-ridden person. What we told him was more fitting for a normal mind who may take your advice cognitively with decisiveness -not for one who lives in feeling. So, strategically we were wrong, not otherwise.

What we had posted him runs in pages. We tried to teach him to believe more in himself than the mother or anything else. We talked about these issues with the hope that he will take it proactively.

We have placed our messages to him in 3 subheads below.

1. To make Mr. Roman believe himself:
2. We educated him about mother
3. We counsel him to make him believe in himself.

3a) We wanted Mr. Roman to believe in himself:   we first talked about Mr. Roman with the intent to help him believe in himself more than others.

“Hi, let’s be a little realistic and straightforward…

Frankly, If death is around …… and yet, you are talking about others then that shows that you are a competent and confident person.

That means you don’t go by what others or your doctors say. It is better, You go by what your own beliefs say to you. If you firmly believe in yourself, then be sure that despite all odds, you will survive…..better that you believe in yourself…..this is the only way out.

“Hi Omar, you might have heard about the unconscious mind (we are teaching him). You know, it is such a powerful tool that it governs our behaviour. Given so, you can do one thing. When you go to sleep then in your vision, you imagine that you have no problem, and you will be alive… …if so then, believe me, this belief will get into your unconscious mind and become part of your belief…..  It is better, you go…

3b). We tried to educate them about his mother: This was followed by talking about how his mother is complete in himself and given a need she will be able to take care of herself.

“Your mother? You need not worry much about your mother. You should rather worry for yourself. Be sure that when a situation arises, she will be able to take care of herself. Remember, It happens with everyone and it will happen even to her… be sure and relax.

“It is great that you know your real self and you are taking it sportingly. It is better if you worry for yourself. We believe that you are a mature and bold person because you have such a terminal disease and you are coping with it. In the same way, when things happen then your mother will take care of herself… Let her depend on herself, not on others including you.

3c). We re-attempted to believe himself: This was followed by our effort to re-convince him to believe himself. For us, believing in ourselves is very important.

“Don’t worry about (reasserting for not worrying for mother). Rather, tell them to give full information about your disease and so on….

“But make yourself believe in yourself, not the mother or doctors …. Please understand that it is you, only you, who if you want then can do the wonders in life, there are millions of examples of people who did wonders in life.

“My strongest wishes are for a better life. No, pay, please”

 

• How can Mr. Roman help us?

You might have understood by now that Mr. Roman was destined to be uneasy for two reasons. He is difficult with many things. Our little learning about the human psyche makes the use of things distinctly clear:

1. That Mr. Roman is an over-cared-for person who was probably not allowed to do many things and so most of his thinking, feelings, and beliefs are outdated. The result is that his needs and expectations are too vague.
2. This no-learning situation seems to have checked Mr. Roman to do things on his own. We know that nature has made you very resourceful and so, if you decide, you can learn many things on your own. Mr. Roman probably didn’t lead to what he is today.

It suggests that Mr. Roman once had a reservoir of raw materials that he would have got converted into life skills and abilities but somehow, thanks to his caretakers and himself, he remained handicapped as he was on the first day. Given the situation, there are two messages for us.

1. We as a parent should overlook and ensure that we provide full chances to our babies to use and apply their potential to learn and grow as much as feasible. We should opportunity them and wherever needed, should support them.
2. And as teenagers, we should take more responsibility for the activities of our life. If so, we will gradually be more skilled, confident, and daring

Overall, the case of Mr. Roman is the best reminder for us.….. 

Dr. Gyanandra P. Singh 

Dr Singh is doctorate in psychology with background in research, hr, designing and delivering training, psychotherapy and content writing.