‘If a man slaps a woman, we say that the man is so cruel; and if a woman slaps a man, we say that obviously, it is the man who has committed the mistake; every time we blame the man only’- Remember this famous dialogue from the movie ‘Aitraaz’ starring Akshay Kumar, Priyanka Chopra Jonas, and Kareena Kapoor Khan, in the lead roles.
Briefly describing, the concept revolves around a man, who was falsely accused of raping his ex-girlfriend, who is also his employer’s wife. She, the ex-girlfriend, being powerful in terms of money and fame, pressurizes him to have a physical relationship with her, and when he denies, she uses her power to defame the man. Despite having extreme societal pressure, the man, with the support of his wife, decided to fight for the truth and tried to earn back his dignity.
This was a story, but as it is always said, behind every story, there is a reality. And, this is the harsh reality of our society that whenever anything wrong happens with a woman, without any second thought we directly blame the man, without even knowing the entire situation. Not only this, we blame the entire men community. Well, I am not saying that the fault is with the girl, but it may be with the situation. Then, why do we put the entire burden of a mistake on the shoulder of man only?
What forced me to write on this topic is when I realized one of my friends is also going through the same phase of life and he was unable to do anything as society believes that the victim is always a woman. He was going through a happy married life, but suddenly one day we came to know that his wife does not want to live with his parents and wants a separate home. When he denied and tried to sort the matter with conversation and settlement, she filed a divorce against him and launched an FIR mentioning that he and his parents are beating and torturing her.
Since I knew my friend from the very childhood, I was shocked to get the news. But as everyone did the mistake, so did I. Since I am also a woman, and I was doing a project on ‘violence on women’, I was inclined towards his wife and felt pity for her. Even I thought that it was my friend who went out of track and made his wife suffer. But, when I came to know the truth, my entire world made a 180-degree shift. I collapsed to know that she was misusing our constitutional laws and was falsely accusing my friend to dupe a hefty amount of money from him. That was the day when I realized that ‘the man can also suffer’.
Recently, I watched a short video clip on a similar topic. Imagine you, a girl, a woman, travelling on a bus, and a boy is standing just behind you. Suddenly a dog arrives in front of the bus, and the drives put immediate brakes. The person standing behind you will come forward and if the person was standing without any support, unintentionally, he will fall over the front person. In such a case, you may feel quite angry and may slap that man in front of everyone on the bus, without knowing the truth. And everyone on the bus starts saying negative things about the character of that man.
Now imagine if you were standing behind him and if you would have fallen over him, and he would have reacted in the same way, by slapping you, things would have again gone wrong and people around would have criticized the man itself for hitting a girl. In any way, the man will be declared wrong.
Do you ever think about what kind of mental trauma that man would be going around then?
- He might be someone, who is born and brought up in a respected family, and because of your wrong judgment and sudden reaction, people have falsely accused him of disrespecting women.
- He might be a fresher who was very happy with his job and it was his first day of the service, and he was going in a happy mood; but from now, his big day will always remain in his mind as a day of the attack on his self-respect.
- He might be someone who becomes a father at the moment and was going to meet his wife and newborn child, but from this moment, he will remember the day when he was charged falsely for duping the respect of a girl.
In each of the above cases, it was not “HIS” fault, but he suffered because he is a man, and it is the man who is always wrong- the dangerous taboo of our society. That one moment of your wrong judgment had created a life long Agony in ‘his’ mind.
We need to understand that respect is the right of every individual, irrespective of gender. There is no doubt that there are various crimes and outbreaks of violence against women, and for the same, our governance has made strong and rigid laws to punish the culprit. But, at the same time, we need to realize that there are women, who take undue advantage of these laws for their selfish motives and make a man become a victim of domestic violence.
So next time, whenever you blame the entire men community, remember your father, brother, husband, and son also fall in the same category. Ask yourself, can men of your life misbehave with a girl? If the answer is NO, then realize that the men you are blaming also belong to a well-respected family, being born and brought up by wise people, and he holds a gentlemen attitude of respecting women. Remember, a jolt or a push(here, in the bus) can be by mistake also, so before making any judgment, analyze the situation and instead of reacting, try to respond.
Never always make a man responsible for forceful clandestine relationships. Remember, a man can be a victim of sexual harassment. Remember, EVERY TIME A MAN IS NOT WRONG