I wish I knew what this was,

I wish I had the energy and understanding to embrace it with open arms.

I wish I could ask myself why I cried alone in the corners at night?

Hiding and wishing no one could see where I was

As I hid there in plain sight.

All I did was cry again,

Break down like there was no one around.

No one to share my pain,

Nor anyone that could bear the things I shudder to share within.

The feeling of uncontrollability as it sneaks up on me,

The heaviness on my chest as it sits there to taunt me.

All I did was lose myself and break down,

Shivering and wishing for it to stop.

Crushing the pillow against me,

Till there was nothing else left in between.

I kept reminding myself I was not asleep,

That I was far off from the nightmares in my dreams.

I wished to take back my tears,

To once and for all embrace my fears.

Until I soon realised ‘my new reality’.

I pushed and I yelled,

I held on to my hope,

Until the true sorrows were poured down my throat.

The question now arose,

Was I wrong in my approach?

And there I stood corrected.

The mind was at peace you see,

That is how it is meant to be.

So maybe I could focus on my rushing thoughts

And calm them down again one at a time?

For anxiety may be the ghost behind my closed doors,

But you see, I was not afraid.

For these ghosts will haunt no more of me,

For today I will set myself free.


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